Success

I got in.

I'm going to be a doctor. 

It is a very surreal feeling - its taken me more than 2 months to process it enough to actually want to write this post. At first it felt illusory - it was just a bit too good to be true. Then I was terrified and intimidated by the connotations and practicalities - 'I'm never allowed to make a stupid mistake again' and 'wow I am going to be in SO much debt'. But now finally I am happy. Far more than happy, I am thrilled! Absolutely fulled to brim with boundless enthusiasm for the rest of my life. 

I'd done my research (a lot of researcher!) and I knew what I was letting myself in for with the debt, the dramatic lifestyle change, the reality of 10 more years of official studying and a lifetime of learning but your feelings towards these change dramatically when they suddenly morph from a mere  possibility in the future to an imminent reality. A fantastic open day at the Uni addressed every single one of these worries with constructive solutions and since then it's been smooth sailing. 

There is a tremendous satisfaction in wanting something for a very long time, working out what you need to do achieve it, implementing those measures, and finally, after a lot of hard work, achieving exactly what you wanted. Even more so when you're been born into a family who although loving and supportive in every way, aren't able to offer the privileged advantages, financial support and guidance which many of your competitors will have revived.  It was not at all easy but I'm proud to be able to say that this is something I did for myself and it's going to be so very worth it. 

Bank Holiday Monday

A typical, coastal,  washed out bank holiday. Leaden skies, sheets of rain rattling the window pains and the squawking of desolate seagulls blown in from the sea. Definitely the kind of bank holiday that should be spent in front of the fire, in a cosy cottage next to the beach, rubbing a soft warm dog tummy!

Happy Families

Just like every other Easter Sunday we all gathered for the 'Resurrection Dinner' at the eldest cousin's house. 

Same beautiful eldest cousin,

newly toddling little boy,

same random craft project,

even more delicious meal,

same perfect Pops but with brand new cousin.

Mainly it was just the same as the others in previous years but what I noticed for the first time this year was just how burningly happy everyone was. I mean it's been just as happy every other year, I just never noticed before. There are a lot of reasons for people in that house to be really miserable, not just from a bad year this year, but unfortunately life has been decidely inconsiderate to the people I hold so dear. But what's amazing is that you'd never hear or feel it; never does a moan pass their lips or any ingratitude for their lot appear. Instead, they are boisterously happy, laughing and teasing, filled to the brim with a zest for life.  People often ask me how I'm so happy all the time, and whilst I'm sure that part of it is being blessed with happy genes, the other part is definitely my having been taught the art of happiness from this family. It's a skill for life and something for which I shall always be grateful.

''It is not how much we have, but how much we enjoy , that makes happiness.''

Charles Spurgeon

Rome

Way, way back, on a drizzly November day me and my pal were contemplating the Italian Society trip to Rome. Blighted by low funds and the thought of missing the first week of the revision filled Easter break, we'd debated whether it was sensible and whether it'd be worth it. Fast forward 5 months to us blinking in the balmy warm sunshine, standing outside the Colosseum, having left a chilly England just hours before and neither of us were doubting that this was an excellent decision! It was only 3 days but my word did we see a lot of the city, eat a lot of pizza and soak up a lot of well needed sunshine. Although a bit knackered afterwards, the change had refreshed us ready to settled down and revise!

Washing Up Musings

It's always in those gentler parts of the day that big thoughts sneak up on you, in the shower, folding laundry or in this case, washing up. As I was steadily scrubbing and plunging through the pile of dirty dishes and watching the steam from the clean ones wisp away in the drainer, it occurred to me that this week a decision was going to made that could affect the course of my life forever. On Thursday I'm due (if they are running on time) to hear back from my medical school interview, telling me whether or not I have a place. If I'm fortunate enough get one, then the fork in the road in my mental image of my future, would no longer be a fork. With the click of an email I would go from not having any clue what kind of job I might do, where I might work, what I might spend my twenties doing, to knowing that I will qualify at 26, spend 2 years in training and then (most likely) work as a medical practitioner for the rest of my life. That's a big change from blank. Of course if I don't get in then nothing's changed, I work hard at my degree, I try again next year, still no and I choose from a bounty of other careers clamouring for me to fall in love with them. Still, if it's a yes then it's a very exciting start to an entirely new type of life. Big thoughts indeed for a hands in the suds session; it took me by surprise. 

Freedom

It's funny but you'd never think of an ordinary play room, warm and cosy from the ceaseless sheets of rain splattering the windows, would epitomise freedom. You try to define freedom and you think of rolling hills sprinkled with wild flowers, you think of eager nations bursting free from the shackles of oppression, maybe you get philosophical and talk about the ability to make free choices but you definitely do not think of a play room, with a fresh cream cheese stain on the carpet, that's located in suburban Surrey. And yet, on this afternoon that's exactly what it contained. As a little family of 3 we sat and played games with pre loved toys, we laughed and chattered and appreciated each others company. By choosing to stay in for the day we were free from the endless tug of consumerism, we were free others' judgement of more unorthodox parenting styles, but most importantly we were free to be completely ourselves. My perception of freedom has changed - it no longer feels like a physical entity personified by an open road but it is more a state of mind shared between company. A mindset that is open and free to enjoy the present, accepting of what is around but also liberated from unnecessary wants or desires. It's a refreshing way to spend time with people but is surely hard to find away from the unconditional love of family?

Playing 'how many balls can you catch in the curtains'

Snow Day